On Thursday, February 2, 2023 at 2:37AM, my life changed forever. That was the moment that the Dr. at Newton Wellesley Hospital pronounced my Mom deceased. From that moment through the next seven days our family was pressed to deliver the best celebration we had ever been part of while at the same point attempting to hold back our tears.

This article is designed to help you execute the tasks to plan a funeral with a focus on a Catholic funeral. If you are pressed for time, here are the immediate steps to execute.

• Invite others to be key part of the “team” to deliver the celebration. If the deceased was close to nieces or family friends, invite them to the initial planning call where you will review the tasks. Don’t do this alone. Involve others, but not everyone!
• Setup the command center for the event at the home of the deceased. This will be the hub for the celebration and where people can get information
• Plan for the key family members to arrive at the home on the first day of the “news”. This will be very helpful to provide support to family that might deal with grief differently and need support
• Ask a family or friend to bring food for 8–10 people. This will feed the family members that will arrive at the home as the planning starts
• Select a funeral home in the city of the deceased. If you live in Wellesley, MA the best operation is George F. Doherty and Sons. These guys are a class act! (They have been in business so long, they should have their own Netflix documentary!)
• Identify an “independent” family or friend to accompany the next of kin to the funeral home. There are a lot of options and emotions can quickly translate to un-necessary costs. You will also want a helper to pick out the Mass Card. The funeral home will have a book with the cards you can select
• Identify the cemetery where you will want to place your loved one. If you have an existing family site and have not conducted an inventory of the site, contact The Catholic Cemetery Association to determine if your loved one qualifies for burial at the site
• Select a location for the bereavement lunch. If you are in Wellesley, MA, the best option is the Babson Executive Conference Center. The team there can quickly plan for 100 people
• Words of remembrance — This is known as the Eulogy and is the most powerful and entertaining part of the service. This is the one component that the audience will look forward to. You need to select somebody to start writing the eulogy immediately when the planning starts.
• Obituary — Nominate a family member to start to write the obituary. Remember an obituary is about who the person is. I would avoid giving a history of their professional accomplishments. Remind people who they were as opposed to how great an organization they may have built.

Catholic Service

The celebration of life in a catholic service has a number of players that are important to the service. These players need to be selected in order to start printing the program. The program printing is a critical path item and the components need to be selected as soon as possible. These items will feed into the Catholic Mass.

1. Pall Bearers — This role can be serviced by any family or friend. Select an even number of people and select people that can lift heavy objects and navigate stairs. This role is not designed for an individual that may have mobility issues. This role can be provided by male and female representatives. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
2. Words of remembrance — This is known as the eulogy and is the most powerful and entertaining part of the service. This is the one component that the audience will look forward to. You need to select somebody to start writing the eulogy immediately when the planning starts. You also need to confirm that the person writing the eulogy can deliver the eulogy with minimal tears. While “Some” emotion is OK, the message would be lost if the presenter became overly emotional. In the case of my Mom, I knew I could not “hold it together” to deliver the eulogy. To combat this, I wrote my draft of a eulogy and shared with my family. My brother and other family members added their thoughts and in the end my brother delivered the eulogy in a perfect way. It is important to note, that all pertinent family members should be invited to share their thoughts and what they want considered in the eulogy. The pertinent family members should review the eulogy prior to delivery. To collaborate on this document, the author should have Microsoft OneDrive and share the link to their writing. Having Microsoft OneDrive also provides redundancy and reduces the chance that the presenter forgets their written copy
3. First Reading- You need to select the first reading for the service and the person that will read it. Once again, although this is just a reading, being on the altar near the deceased can invoke a lot of emotion. It is ok to shed some emotion, but it is best to make sure the presenter can get through the majority of the reading. If you find the presenter does share some emotion, as they come off of the altar, a family member should stand up and comfort them with an embrace before they return to their seat.
4. Responsorial Psalm — This will be a hymn selected from options. See the appendix of this document for choices
5. Second Reading- Identical procedure to the first reading
6. General Intercessions/Prayers of the Faithful — This is another great opportunity for family members to share their thoughts. Establish a document in Microsoft OneDrive and invite key family and friends to contribute to the document.
7. Gathering Hymn — This will be the first song that is heard upon entering the church. You will need to select this hymn. A list of options is included in the appendix of this document
8. Preparation of the gifts — The gifts should be brought to the altar by family members. This should include Grand Children of appropriate age. If their are several Grand Children and Grand Nieces/Nephews, they can be involved by taking a flower down the aisle and placing it in a glass vase next to the casket. In order to execute this, you will need to order the appropriate amount of flowers and have them at the back of the church. You will need to coordinate with the church that a vase will be needed at the alter for the procession of flowers that will occur from the participants.
9. Offertory Hymn — This is another song that should be selected. In the case of my Mom, she had chosen “Oh My Papa” which we engaged with wonderful trumpet players to deliver and it was amazing!
10. Communion Hymn — Yet another music selection to choose from
11. Recessional Hymn — This is the final song you will play departing the church. You should take the time to make this music uplifting. While this is a very sad moment, music can show you that it is a celebration of life. In the case of my Mom, we chose Just a Closer Walk with Thee and MacNamara’s Band. These were uplifting songs in an otherwise dark moment.

Program Printing

Having selected the components of the program, it is time to setup the program for printing. A template that you can download is here. This template is for Microsoft Word on a Windows Operating system. You should replace the songs, people and pictures with key moments from the life of the deceased. This program will print out in landscape mode and will be folded in half.

After you have completed the template, you should send the template to Staples and have them print and fold it! You should print the program in color and use a heavy stock paper. This paper will make it easy to stack and distribute at the service.

What to Expect At the Funeral Home

Once you have selected the funeral home make a call to them for an appointment. During the appointment the following is expected to occur:

1. The date and time of the service will be selected. The funeral director will likely have the ability to contact the church and secure a date and time. While you may want to “get this over with”, give yourself at least six calendar days from your first meeting with the funeral director until the wake. You will need this time to assemble all of the documents. In the case of my Mom, she passed on Thursday, February 2, 2023 and we held the wake on Tuesday, February 8, 2023, Funeral on Wednesday, February 9, 2023 and burial on Thursday, February 9, 2023. This provided ample time, although their was no room for a break, to assemble all of the components.
2. The mass card will be selected with the funeral director and the quantity. The funeral director will order them and have them available at the wake
3. The burial location will be selected. In a traditional catholic funeral you will conduct the mass and then the burial. You will need to know where you will execute the burial and notify the funeral director.
4. Selecting the casket. The funeral home will have a showroom of caskets for your selection. I am not sure what makes one casket better than another. One of the features I wish I had selected was a “drawer” as I placed a final note in the casket prior to closure. I would have liked to have put it in a drawer as opposed to the inside of the casket. Funeral locations may try to upsell you on silk or other materials in the casket claiming it will be “Warmer”. Silk, down, or insulation will not matter at this moment. Don’t be upsold un-necessarily.
5. For the vehicles, the funeral director will have a hearse and family car to choose from. If you have a large service you may want a flower car, but that is often an extra expense that is not needed.
6. The funeral director will have the family flowers for you to order. These flowers go at the head, foot and sides of the casket. Don’t be cheap! Get the flowers. Just use the florist the funeral director recommends. You don’t have time to shop around and the funeral director has an existing relationship with the florist. They will likely know how to work with each other.
7. The funeral director will deliver you the envelopes for payment. In the case of a catholic service you can expect the following costs at the minimum listed below. Where possible try to pay in cash and avoid use of credit cards or “advanced financial instruments” like Venmo. You will want to have all of these checks in the envelopes and organized as soon as possible.

• Trumpet player
• Soloist
• Church(In Wellesley, MA it was St Pauls Church)
• Priest
• Organist
• Burial location: (St James Cemetery (Boston Catholic Cemetery))
• George F Doherty & Sons Funeral Homes
• Death Certificate
• Hairdresser
• Burial Vault
• Obituary announcements. In the Massachusetts area, that could be: Boston Globe, Eagle Tribune, Wellesley Townsman (Please note, written obituaries are charged by the word and can be very expensive)
• Burial Permit

Photos of Remembrance

At the wake, you will want to brighten up the room with photos of your loved one. This should take the form of printed and video format.

Upon announcement of the event, delegate to the family members that can begin to assemble the photo display. You will need the following supplies: Sheet protectors, glue stick, scissors and a very sturdy poster board. The poster board should be strong enough to stand on it’s own when using an easel. Take the printed photos, wrap them in a plastic sheet protector. Cut the sheet protector to the size of the picture and use a glue stick to adhere the photo to a poster board. Using the sheet protector allows you the option to remove the photo if you want to return them to their original location without a glue residue on the photo. In the photo below the photos sat on the easel with no need for any tape.

Photos on the poster board and stand alone

For the digital edition, assemble an album in Google Photos. Send out the link to all pertinent family members and ask them to upload their photos to the link. Select a family member that has a laptop and the ability to project the pictures on a TV using the appropriate cable, which is usually an HDMI cable. The family member will connect their laptop to the TV at the funeral home and will launch the slideshow feature from Google Photos for the album created.

The poster board photos and the Google Photo collection will also be used at the bereavement lunch.

Sympathy Cards

During the course of this event you will receive a number of cards. Do not open them immediately upon receipt. Save the cards and schedule time the day after the service or even the first weekend day after the service to bring close family together to open the cards. Upon opening the cards, record in a spreadsheet the sender of the card and the type of card, which will be “standard card” or “mass card”. Each Mass card received should get a return thank you note to the sender.

Thank You Cards

After the services have completed, you need to immediately start sending thank you cards. The thank you cards should be prioritized for those that sent flowers, mass cards, travelled via airplane or other gestures that caused an extra expense to them. If you do not have legible handwriting, consider purchasing cards that will go through a printer. In my situation, I used the following cards found here on Amazon. While I could get them to “go through” an Epson Workforce 435 printer, it was not easy. I could only feed one card at a time as the paper weight was too heavy for the printer. I recommend printing the note on the inside of the card and envelope. This will give your note a professional look and will be legible for all to read.

In writing the cards, if you have others that participated in the planning of the service, consider dividing up the thank you card writing amongst a “Team” of people.

To keep the thank you cards organized, copy the names from the guest book that was present at the funeral home and copy them into a spreadsheet. If you know the address of the recipient, add in the address in the spreadsheet. Document in the spreadsheet if the attendee brought flowers, mass card, regular card or other. Assign a family member to each row to write the thank you card. Follow up on the progress two weeks after the service.

Bereavement Lunch

The bereavement lunch can take place after the funeral mass or after the burial. In my personal situation, we conducted the catholic mass and then went right to lunch. This worked out well and reduced the complexity of timing the arrival at the lunch.

The bereavement lunch setup should include a buffet setup and open bar. You should pre-pay the gratuity and you should NOT have a “tip jar” on display at the bar. The seating arrangement should be tables that are placed around the room that people can move between. You should avoid a lunch setup that has 10 person tables where the same people will be trapped at the same table all day. You need to encourage mingling amongst the guests.

The bereavement lunch needs to have the photo display and pictures you are displaying setup at the location prior to the guests arriving. This can be handled in several different methods. If it is a secure venue, deliver the photo boards the night before and ask the venue to set up the photos on the easel’s ahead of time. Immediately after the mass, a “Team Member” preferably a family friend, should exit the mass immediately and travel to the lunch location to setup the laptop with the photos. This team member should also take pictures of the venue prior to the guests arriving.

If the venue did not accept to setup the poster board photos ahead of time, then utilize a “Team Member” that exits the mass shortly before the concluding rite for them to setup the poster board’s and photos. You do not want people walking into the venue while you are still positioning the photos on the easel’s. You need to make it look well organized prior to the arrival of your guests.

The bereavement lunch is a time for the close family members to see a number of people. The “next of kin” should be prepared to excuse themselves and check in with other guests at the party to spend time with all parties that are there. Take this time to take pictures as well. Too often a family funeral becomes a reunion, but in that case make the most of it and “capture the moment”.

Order of Events

The tasks you have completed to plan for the celebration of life for your loved one feeds into the following events:

• Wake
• Mass
• Bereavement lunch
• Burial (Burial could be the next day) or before the bereavement lunch
• Thank you cards

The events are emotionally draining. During the events you need to eat something to keep up your strength. It is very difficult to want to eat, but choose something and try to eat. You will need the energy to get through this difficult time.

Cost Tracking

There are several expenses associated with a funeral from the funeral home to the bereavement lunch. In February of 2023, the following costs were incurred:

Petty Cash — Babson executive center gratuity $100.00

Patty Cash — St James Cemetery mortuary workers $50.00

Trumpet player $600.00

Soloist $175.00

St Pauls Church $350.00

Priest $500.00

Organist $200.00

St James Cemetery (Boston Catholic Cemetery) $1,695.00

George F Doberty & Sons Funeral Homes $13,995.00

Death Cetificate $60.00

Hairdresser $100.00

Burial Vault $1,695.00

Boston Globe obituary $1,901.79

Lawrence Eagle Tribune obituary $850.00

Wellesley Townsman $601.92

Burial Permit $10.00

Sedan Car Service for relatives $810.00

Flights for relatives $629.18

Car Service for out of town guests $1,390.00

Hotel for relatives $244.43

Babson Executive Conference Center $3,000.00

Family flower $1,766.18

Program Printing (Staples) $112.47

Music and Readings to choose from

Click here for a listing of songs and readings to consider for the service

Opening hymn choices

Be Not Afraid
Here I am Lord
Amazing Grace
O God our Help in Ages Past
The King of Love My Shepherd

First Reading choices

Job 19:1, 23–27
Wisdom 3:1–9
Wisdom 3:1–6, 9
Wisdom 4:7–15
Isaiah 25:6a, 7–9
Lamentations 3:17–26
Daniel 12: 1–3
Maccabees 12:43–46
Ecclesiastes 3:2, 4–11
Sirach 51:8–12
Micah 6:6–8

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 23: Shepherd Me, O God Haugen
Psalm 25: To You, O Lord Haugen
Psalm 27: The Lord is my Light Haas
Psalm 91: On Eagles Wings Joncas
Psalm 103: The Lord is Kind and Merciful

Second Reading

Acts of the Apostles 10:34–43
Acts of the Apostles 10:34–36, 42–43
Romans 5:5–11
Romans 5:17–21
Romans 6:3–9
Romans 6:3–4, 8–9
Romans 8:14–23
Romans 8:31b-35, 37–39
Romans 14:7–9, 10b-12
1 Corinthians 15:20–23, 24b-28
1 Corinthians 15:20–23
1 Corinthians 15: 51–57
2 Corinthians 4:14–5:1
2 Corinthians 5:1, 6–10
Philippians 3:20–21
Thessalonians 4:13–18
Timothy 2:8–13
1 John 3:1–3
1 John 3:14–16
Revelation 14:13
Revelation 20:11, 21:1
Revelation 21:1–5a, 6b-7
1 Corinthians 13:4–7
2 Timothy 4:6–8, 17–18
1 Peter 1:3–9

Preparation of the Gifts

Ave Maria Schubert
Deep River Burleigh
The Prayer of Saint Francis Temple #828
You Are Near Schutte #687
I heard the voice of Jesus say Vaughan Williams #692
Hail Mary/Gentle Woman

Communion Hymn

Panis Angelicus Franck
Eat this Bread Bertier
I am the Bread of Life Toolan
One Bread, One Body Foley
Ave Verum Corpus Mozart
Precious Lord, Take my Hand Dorsey
We will rise again Holm
The Call Vaughan Williams
Taste and See

Final Hymn

How Great thou Art Hine
Lift High the Cross Nicholson
Love Divine, all Loves Excelling Prichard
Joyful, Joyful we adore You Beethoven
The Strife is O’er